Adulthood: What the Hell (and many informal apologies/thank yous)

I think I’m generally an adult these days. That’s weird, huh?

I came to this fairly obvious conclusion during the week while I waddled around New York City, alone, in an unreasonable amount of pain from blisters. (Screw those new Jessica Simpson flats. I know beauty is pain ((another STUPID concept – WHY CANT BEAUTY BE PLEASURE!!!!)), but my feet look pretty damn nasty right now and no gladiator flat is worth the absolute brutality those stupid shoes laid on me.)

Usually I’m not in New York for work. The handful of times I’ve been in the city before this summer have been strictly to be dazzled by NYC for all of its tourist glory. Except this week I was just like every other jaded New Yorker, because I was commuting to and from work. So as I painfully tried to strut my way into internship, looking around me I realized something sort of shocking. I am like, the average age of a New Yorker. Everyone around me looked to be approximately 24 years old, minus the clearly important CEOs and others who had a few more years on me than just four. But as far as people in my position – people just putting their feet to the pavement, grinding for what they wanted, just trying to make their mark – those people and me are about the same age.

Usually I’m just a kid tourist NYC pretending for a day that I’m apart of the city as much as everyone else. Usually I’m not commuting somewhere for a full day of work. Usually I’m not even in that city for more than 48 hours.  This is really, really different now. And it’s different because of one thing: I’m definitely not a kid anymore. This is adulthood.

Woah.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not FULLY on my own yet. I still live fairly regularly at my parent’s house (side note: another sign of adulthood? It’s not “my house” its “my parent’s house”) and they still pick up a lot of my bills. I’m not financially independent ALL of the time, although I do take care of many of my own expenses. Thanks Mom and Dad, love you for not cutting me off cold turkey!!!!!

But as an individual, I’m an adult.  I feel like one. I hold myself to the standards of adulthood, too. I don’t feel like waking up early all of the time, but it’s not very adult of me to lay in bed all day long when there are things to be done, for others and for myself. I don’t always want to say no to a purchase that I know might break the budget a little – but I have to if I want to keep eating! (This one has been a challenge. Watch shopping is my new biggest vice. SOS!) Can I say whatever I want on social media? Absolutely not. I’m held to a working world standard on that too.

And my problems are different too. One of my biggest internal debates lately has been to decide if I can afford to buy a new pair of glasses or not. I have begun planning to pay off my student loans. Career goals and choices are what I spend a lot of my time planning for, thinking about, and researching. My family is more precious to me now than ever. I am no longer a teenager trying to escape the oppression of “not being understood”,  a thought that makes me laugh even just writing it because I can’t believe I ever failed to see how incredibly good I had it growing up at home. (sorry for being hormonal, parents! You are so patient with me, especially when I was a lame teenage kid!!!)  I wear sensible shoes most of the time, minus those flats which were a CLEAR mistake, lesson learned, never again in a million years etc etc etc. I’m grown up.

There are two things I’ve noticed since becoming aware of this. The first is that I am so grateful for how I was raised and who raised me. My parents gave me everything I could have wanted, and still do. They provide me and my siblings with unwavering support, even on choices that are a little risky or major like my internship plans for this summer. I grew up in a loving, warm, fun, stable family. I am so thankful to be apart of that. It has made me into the adult I am. I have learned so much from the adults in my life. My grandparents have shown me how to be family oriented, supportive, and happy. They’ve also taught me that if your granddaughter wants you to wear Minnie Mouse ears while she rocks her bunny suit, then you have to do it. Thanks Pap. My Nana Knapp has always empowered me to be the best woman I can be, and to shoot for beyond what appears possible. Her inspirational quotes have rattled around my brain a lot, and they keep me pushing for more.

I feel prepared for adulthood because of my family.  My godmother and I treasure very much our regular games of LIFE, the board game, which we have sometimes missed but generally try to play each time we’re together. Perhaps it is trivial (game pun), but even those moments have been life lessons. My godmomma never once kept her student loans for more than a turn or two – “pay them off right away” was the motto. I followed suit, always. I realize now that the concept of getting out of debt fast is applicable to my real life. When we had to pick our houses by random, we always hoped that we'd get the middle-of-the-road option: not the red brick mansion, but not the the earthquake house that was split in half. Something affordable so we could keep playing, and maybe even win. She taught me little things like that - that our possessions do not define our ability to play a great round of this thing called Life. Thank you for that, Janine! 

Recently my dad and I have spoken a lot about savings plans, including the details of what he did to ensure that my family was provided for. It is so different to hear these things as an adult myself, because I am now planning for my family and future – something I am happy to start thinking about now, because I like to be prepared and educated. My dad tells me that his first 10 or so years in a full time position became the most important time as far as saving and making smart choices as an adult. I am so happy to have someone guiding me through those years as they approach quickly for me as well.

The second thing I’m realizing is that being an adult is like, just as fun as being a kid. Granted, the hard times are bound to be harder. The lows will hit lower and be far more impactful than lunchroom problems, or pimples, or having to move and start at a new school in 5^th grade. But at current moment, I am able to appreciate my free time so much more than before. A weekend at home is so valuable to my well-being these days. My siblings remind me that sometimes you just have to get a Snowbarn shaved iced and relax. I see the value in being able to surround myself with family and friends. I appreciate the time I get to forget my responsibilities for day and binge watch old Disney Channel movies with my friends (Steph, Emily, Tess, Becca. if you are reading this just know that I am willing to watch many more DComs in the Gleanto.) Unwinding after work with a drink and dinner with my boyfriend is truly a breath of fresh air during a crazy week. And at the end of the day, I still have very un-adult moments. Just like everyone. And those moments I cherish, because they are amazing, memorable, sometimes stupid, and generally soul-uplifting. I'm so happy to have retained my spirit even as I've grown up.  Having more responsibility means a few more stressors, sure, but it also means valuing fun, relaxation, friends and family even more.

So maybe I’m only one foot in the door on this whole adult thing, but I sure am here. I can feel it and I am accepting it happily! Bring it on adulthood. I’m ready for you – bunny suit and all.