Adulthood: What the Hell (and many informal apologies/thank yous)

I think I’m generally an adult these days. That’s weird, huh?

I came to this fairly obvious conclusion during the week while I waddled around New York City, alone, in an unreasonable amount of pain from blisters. (Screw those new Jessica Simpson flats. I know beauty is pain ((another STUPID concept – WHY CANT BEAUTY BE PLEASURE!!!!)), but my feet look pretty damn nasty right now and no gladiator flat is worth the absolute brutality those stupid shoes laid on me.)

Usually I’m not in New York for work. The handful of times I’ve been in the city before this summer have been strictly to be dazzled by NYC for all of its tourist glory. Except this week I was just like every other jaded New Yorker, because I was commuting to and from work. So as I painfully tried to strut my way into internship, looking around me I realized something sort of shocking. I am like, the average age of a New Yorker. Everyone around me looked to be approximately 24 years old, minus the clearly important CEOs and others who had a few more years on me than just four. But as far as people in my position – people just putting their feet to the pavement, grinding for what they wanted, just trying to make their mark – those people and me are about the same age.

Usually I’m just a kid tourist NYC pretending for a day that I’m apart of the city as much as everyone else. Usually I’m not commuting somewhere for a full day of work. Usually I’m not even in that city for more than 48 hours.  This is really, really different now. And it’s different because of one thing: I’m definitely not a kid anymore. This is adulthood.

Woah.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not FULLY on my own yet. I still live fairly regularly at my parent’s house (side note: another sign of adulthood? It’s not “my house” its “my parent’s house”) and they still pick up a lot of my bills. I’m not financially independent ALL of the time, although I do take care of many of my own expenses. Thanks Mom and Dad, love you for not cutting me off cold turkey!!!!!

But as an individual, I’m an adult.  I feel like one. I hold myself to the standards of adulthood, too. I don’t feel like waking up early all of the time, but it’s not very adult of me to lay in bed all day long when there are things to be done, for others and for myself. I don’t always want to say no to a purchase that I know might break the budget a little – but I have to if I want to keep eating! (This one has been a challenge. Watch shopping is my new biggest vice. SOS!) Can I say whatever I want on social media? Absolutely not. I’m held to a working world standard on that too.

And my problems are different too. One of my biggest internal debates lately has been to decide if I can afford to buy a new pair of glasses or not. I have begun planning to pay off my student loans. Career goals and choices are what I spend a lot of my time planning for, thinking about, and researching. My family is more precious to me now than ever. I am no longer a teenager trying to escape the oppression of “not being understood”,  a thought that makes me laugh even just writing it because I can’t believe I ever failed to see how incredibly good I had it growing up at home. (sorry for being hormonal, parents! You are so patient with me, especially when I was a lame teenage kid!!!)  I wear sensible shoes most of the time, minus those flats which were a CLEAR mistake, lesson learned, never again in a million years etc etc etc. I’m grown up.

There are two things I’ve noticed since becoming aware of this. The first is that I am so grateful for how I was raised and who raised me. My parents gave me everything I could have wanted, and still do. They provide me and my siblings with unwavering support, even on choices that are a little risky or major like my internship plans for this summer. I grew up in a loving, warm, fun, stable family. I am so thankful to be apart of that. It has made me into the adult I am. I have learned so much from the adults in my life. My grandparents have shown me how to be family oriented, supportive, and happy. They’ve also taught me that if your granddaughter wants you to wear Minnie Mouse ears while she rocks her bunny suit, then you have to do it. Thanks Pap. My Nana Knapp has always empowered me to be the best woman I can be, and to shoot for beyond what appears possible. Her inspirational quotes have rattled around my brain a lot, and they keep me pushing for more.

I feel prepared for adulthood because of my family.  My godmother and I treasure very much our regular games of LIFE, the board game, which we have sometimes missed but generally try to play each time we’re together. Perhaps it is trivial (game pun), but even those moments have been life lessons. My godmomma never once kept her student loans for more than a turn or two – “pay them off right away” was the motto. I followed suit, always. I realize now that the concept of getting out of debt fast is applicable to my real life. When we had to pick our houses by random, we always hoped that we'd get the middle-of-the-road option: not the red brick mansion, but not the the earthquake house that was split in half. Something affordable so we could keep playing, and maybe even win. She taught me little things like that - that our possessions do not define our ability to play a great round of this thing called Life. Thank you for that, Janine! 

Recently my dad and I have spoken a lot about savings plans, including the details of what he did to ensure that my family was provided for. It is so different to hear these things as an adult myself, because I am now planning for my family and future – something I am happy to start thinking about now, because I like to be prepared and educated. My dad tells me that his first 10 or so years in a full time position became the most important time as far as saving and making smart choices as an adult. I am so happy to have someone guiding me through those years as they approach quickly for me as well.

The second thing I’m realizing is that being an adult is like, just as fun as being a kid. Granted, the hard times are bound to be harder. The lows will hit lower and be far more impactful than lunchroom problems, or pimples, or having to move and start at a new school in 5^th grade. But at current moment, I am able to appreciate my free time so much more than before. A weekend at home is so valuable to my well-being these days. My siblings remind me that sometimes you just have to get a Snowbarn shaved iced and relax. I see the value in being able to surround myself with family and friends. I appreciate the time I get to forget my responsibilities for day and binge watch old Disney Channel movies with my friends (Steph, Emily, Tess, Becca. if you are reading this just know that I am willing to watch many more DComs in the Gleanto.) Unwinding after work with a drink and dinner with my boyfriend is truly a breath of fresh air during a crazy week. And at the end of the day, I still have very un-adult moments. Just like everyone. And those moments I cherish, because they are amazing, memorable, sometimes stupid, and generally soul-uplifting. I'm so happy to have retained my spirit even as I've grown up.  Having more responsibility means a few more stressors, sure, but it also means valuing fun, relaxation, friends and family even more.

So maybe I’m only one foot in the door on this whole adult thing, but I sure am here. I can feel it and I am accepting it happily! Bring it on adulthood. I’m ready for you – bunny suit and all.

"But without cheese, please."

I expected to learn a lot about myself in London! But I didn't expect one of those things to be discovering a newfound lactose intolerance. Heres the cold, hard truth: I can't eat dairy products anymore.

Look at this beautiful grilled cheese:

bsinthekitchen.com

Can't have it.

Why is this ice cream cone blue? Does that even taste good? Who cares. Can't have it. 

THIS INCREDIBLE PIECE OF ARTICHOKE PIZZA from New York which I did eat, against my better judgement, but do not regret in the slightest:

  

Definitely ate it, but I still SHOULDN'T have it. 

To be fair, I'm being incredibly dramatic! I can eat all of these things, if I'm willing to deal with horrific abdominal pains and (sorry Mom, sorry Lawrence, SORRY EVERYONE) serious burping problems. Among other seriously gross issues... digestion related. Ehem.

I've never, in all 20 years of my life, had this issue before. I used to be able to eat any kind of dairy I wanted! A full block of cheese? Yes! Get in my belly! Cream cheese that overwhelms my bagel so much its hard to tell which is the main component? Absolutely, and I'm looking at you Bagel Hut! Fondue filling my bathtub so I can soak in the cheesey goodness? That sounds expensive and messy, but why not! 

NO LONGER. My cheese and milk days have come to a halt. At first I was convinced it was just bad combinations or over-eating causing the pain and discomfort, but upon researching the issue, I discovered that a sudden intolerance to dairy proteins is fairly common. From what I understand, it happens as a result of your body ceasing to produce the enzyme Lactase, that properly breaks down the lactose in dairy products. So a big shoutout to my body for quitting on the job early - I sure hope you have better things to do in there, body enzymes! 

Either way, my diet has taken a serious turn for the cheese-less. Basically, dairy has gone from my best friend, to my mortal enemy. I am quite sad about it. BUT! There are ways to combat this. First of all, if I really HAVE to have cheese (like when I have to eat a bagel. I refuse to give those up.) I can take a pill with my first bite to supplement those enzymes I don't have. 

But I have also adapted some tricky ways to avoid cheese/dairy all together, without sacrificing the foods I really love and have to have. 

1. Iced Coffee Dilema - Avoiding Soy

Most places carry soy milk, but I hate to load up on it because it's best consumed in moderation, for a multitude of reasons. This problem most commonly arises when I'm looking for a nice, creamy iced coffee. Recently, I found out something amazing - All US locations of Starbucks carry Coconut milk! This is a fab alternative to soy all the time, and it tastes yum because I love coconut as it is. 

2. Lactose Free Products

This is a no brainer, but it's worth saying. Since discovering my intolerance, I've made the switch to lactose free milk, cheese and cream cheese (when I can find it. Ironically, it was highly available in Europe!) This just makes it easier to cook and enjoy classic foods at home. 

3. Vegan Stuff

OBVIOUSLY Vegan food excludes dairy, because its an animal byproduct. When I'm out and I see a vegan meal or snack, I know I can have it without any problem. Since most mainstream places are becoming more and more vegan friendly, its easier to find delicious meals that aren't cheesey. 

4.  Give and Take

I realize I can't always avoid milk - especially in baked goods, where there are nearly always traces of dairy in the recipe. I've learned what I can handle and what is too much. For example, chocolate chip cookies are a double whammie because of the dairy in chocolate. On the other hand, a cherry tart only has milk in the dough, so it's a little easier on my tummy.

So yeah, I'm a little sad I can't gorge on dairy anymore, but it's really not so bad at all! Life goes on as normal. As a parting message, I'd just like to say this - listen to your own body! If you feel like something doesn't sit well or feel right to you you're probably correct. Follow your instincts and adapt accordingly. 

Gotta go eat a cheese-less sandwich. Cya y'all. 

Future Plans: Vague Idea! Major Improvements! Neat!

Hey United States, long time no see. You  haven't aged one bit. Four months sure can feel like forever, can't it?

First of all, I got a Macbook Pro! Wow. I feel like Superwoman with this thing. Multitasking is at a whole new level, ya'll. I'm writing this post, texting my mom, googling the correct spelling of "coop", and downloading all types of programs without batting an eye. THIS IS COOL. I really never intended to be an Apple fangirl, but as of now I am all Apple'd out. But I digress.

I swear I'm not just going to brush over my London trip, but it's way too much information to shrink down into a paragraph at the beginning of an otherwise unrelated blog post, so just hold tight on the trip recap! I have too much to say and no idea how to say it all without it coming out like "WOW LONDON WOW TRAVELING WOW BOYFRIEND WOW NEW PALS WOW CRAZY FOOD WEIRD HOSTELS BEAUTIFUL PLACES MIND BLOWN WOW".  So pardon me while I completely ignore the last four months of my awesome life and just skip to the goodies:

I finally know what I'm doing this summer.

Anyone that knows me knows that music plays a very critical part in my life. I find a lot of solace in listening to and consuming music that resonates with me. I play a few instruments, I am obsessed with music award shows, my last internship was with a music venue, and even my boyfriend is (really good) DJ/way industry educated/walking jukebox/perfect karaoke partner.

So music isn't work for me, not in any sense of the word, because it brings me joy. I'm also confident that I know what I'm talking about in terms of music. It is the one topic I do feel up to date on. In order to make work feel a lot less like work, my professional goals include music. Music public relations or music publicity is what I know I can do well in, and more importantly where I know I have good suggestions to offer and implement.

Fortunately, I landed a super cool internship in music publicity in none other than New York City. What...in...the...world.  Growing up, New York was a faraway place meant for magical late night eating after a Broadway show, being a regular old tourist on 5th Avenue - a place I only visited once in a great while, and one that I treasured very much every time.  I never would have believed that working in a city which I have fondly loved from mostly afar would EVER present itself.

But life is funny, and sometimes it surprises you in a big way. The opportunity came at exactly the right time. I applied, was interviewed (over the phone while 6 hours ahead in a small apartment in Berlin, Germany while Lawrence pretended not to listen so I wouldn't be more nervous) and got the offer a few days later. I'll be working with some fairly popular names in the music industry, and most importantly I'll be able to gain my first real experiences in the industry that I hope to make my official career in one short year upon graduation.

I also get to work, on the days which I am not interning, at my beloved tour guide job. This means commuting back to Philadelphia for the end of the week, every week. It means a lot of hours on Megabus's and probably a whole lot of sweating. It also means getting to see my great bosses, my hilarious co workers, and make a few bucks to help keep me afloat amongst NYC commuting costs, inevitable coffee addiction, and general life expenses. I am incredibly, unbelievably blessed to have my cake and eat it, too in terms of my work schedule in both NYC and PHL.

I knew when I applied - and still know now, approaching the start date - that being away from home for the first summer ever in my whole life will not be the easiest or most comfortable thing I've ever done. I've never been anywhere but York, PA on warm summer nights and really humid, lazy days. I'm going to miss sleeping in, eating free food, and most of all being able to spend every day with my family. It's hard but necessary and I know that life isn't always a lazy summer afternoon. It's busy and hard work, but also rewarding! And that's why I'm so excited to seize this opportunity. Thanks Mom & Dad for letting me fly the coop, especially after you let me wander the world for four months!

So to say my summer is going to be busy is an understatement, probably. But there is a plus side! Actually, there are a ton of plus sides. In no particular order:

-- Experience GALORE!
-- I work best when I'm busiest.
-- I get to see each of my York, New York, and Philadelphia families every week. 
-- Even though only up and down the east coast, I still get to have an element of travel in my life. 
-- I get to do something I've always wanted to do. 

So anyway, that's just a short update about my life since my last post, in which I had no idea what I would be doing for the summer. It really amazes me how everything works out. I always say that my motto is "Everything happens for a reason", and this is a testament to that. Here's to a long, productive and fun summer. Look out, Big Apple! I'm coming for you!