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As is usually the case, I am taking painstaking measures to avoid the weekly task list piling up in my planner... a bad habit, sure, but whatever. It's happening.
Anyway, this procrastination train left the station loooooong ago. Like weeks ago. And as a result, my rad pal Emily and I started chatting about something that has been on my mind for a while, but was having trouble articulating. To be honest, I still am, but this is my best shot.
This is about love. I'm talking, strictly romantic, partner to partner kind of love. Dating and relationships and love is just one of those things that people get really hung up on. I do, at least. At least, everyone HAS. Either past or present tense. I totally see why. Most of our daily media consumption has love woven in the fabric - you'll love this new product, look at this cute couple kissing, fall is such a romantic season so drink a latte to make it even better, blah blah. Or more blatantly, love is the stories we read, the movies we watch, the Buzzfeed articles we skim.
It's there because it can be so beautiful. And rewarding, and cherished, and satisfying. It leads to families sometimes, it makes life more fun all around - it's like having a friend 24/7 and sleepovers every night, it makes Chinese food and movies a sweet idea rather than a lame lonely one that you would rather not admit to you friends you did. We love to love. We dig it, as a society. And we should. A lot of amazing things happen because love exists.
Most importantly, it makes you feel included. When you hear a love song, you think "I know what this person is singing about! I know that feeling too!" and when you see a movie, you don't cry when they fall in love because you see the actors, you cry because you see yourself and the person YOU love, falling in love all over again. You see yourself in it. And when an image of ourselves is reflected in the media, it makes us feel really good inside. Especially when it's love! Love, in some capacity, is what we all seek. So we love when we have it. We love when we can be REMINDED that we have it.
Anyway, this is great if you happen to be with someone you think is totally and completely rad. But if you aren't with someone, we have this horrible nasty habit of being sad all of the sudden. If we don't have a love life, we want one so much that we get really down. The lovey stuff in the world makes us mad. We change the channel if The Notebook is on. We consider not even getting out of bed on Valentine's Day, simply because we "can't" be included in the celebrations. We see examples of love and dislike them just because we don't "have that". We get so bitter.
And I am NOT saying everyone who is single is cranky. That's so not true. I happen to be single and most of the time, I love every freedom that comes with it. And, actually, I can see examples of romantic love in the world without it making me bitter and sad and cranky. 95% of the time, I barely even think about this stuff! Life is so much bigger than a relationship, right? I think we can all agree about that. But the other 5%, for whatever reason, I decide that I'm just not satisfied without that somebody in my life. And I do all of those bitter single girl things I listed before - and, probably, pity eat chips and salsa and get pissed off at the crumbs being in my sheets later when I lay down for 6 hours of sad Netflix.
Where am I going with this. My point here is, we do all of this because we don't have romantic love. But we have so much other love to give and receive in the world.
Like, literally, an infinite amount of love. And for some reason, we only concentrate it in one place mostly. But, like.
We have our familial love - either blood relatives or people who's souls you cherish as if they were blood.
We have friends, people who would drop the world to help you. People who would gladly eat Chinese food and watch movies with you. People who care about your physical, mental, and emotional well being.
We have mentors, who love us so much they are willing to invest their own personal time and effort into making you a better personal or professional being.
We have SELF love. The kind that we always, always, always overlook. We have our own bodies, that keep safe our souls, that contain the things that literally no one else can know - the emotions that are impossible to put into words, but that YOU understand about YOURSELF without even thinking.
Why do we put romantic love on a golden throne and neglect the rest?
And WE DO NEGLECT THE REST. Don't flatter yourself by thinking you haven't. It's not our faults. It's the societal norm that gets ingrained into us every day. But you've done it. Your mom has told you that you look beautiful, but you didn't react like you did when the boy next to you in class or the gorgeous girl in your group told you the exact same thing.
You've thought about skipping a dance or a night out or any event because you don't have a date. You refuse to go alone, and going with a friend isn't right.
You've slaved over an outfit for a random Tinder blind date but you could take or leave getting lunch with your girlfriends on Monday. That's not the same.
WHY?!
It is the same! Your friends want to spend time with you because they love who you are. They want to surround themselves with your positive energy. They talk about you highly to their families. They would stand up for you without a second doubt. They love you.
Your family shaped you into the person you are. They are so proud of the things you do on a daily basis. They were proud of you for learning to walk and they're proud of you when you spend that $20 on groceries instead of beer. They'd be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy. They want to know what you ate for breakfast and they call you too much sometimes because they care that much about the details of your life. They love you.
Your mentors will spend late nights correcting your mistakes so that you don't take the fall for them. They'll tell you not to listen to that guy in HR, he's always like that, because they don't want you to get down on yourself. They're willing to give someone else their word on your behalf because they have so much faith in your ability. They love you.
You let yourself sleep in on Saturdays because you know that you worked hard, and you deserve it. You pick yourself up when you're feeling down because you know whatever it was will soon pass, and life goes on. You smile at yourself in the mirror. You surround yourself with people that make you a better person, and you do everything in your power to be the best you can. Because you love yourself that much.
Relationships are great. Beautiful, even. But no more so than the other kinds of love in the world - the ones that get us through life every single day. And nothing is meant to be bombarded with all of that love all at once. If you don't have a healthy love balance with yourself and the other non-romance bits of your life, you might go a little love crazy when you find someone you do want to date. So spread it out, dude. Balance is key. Balance is what makes schedules run smoothly, it's what aligns Chakras, it's what keeps a building from falling down. It's important. It will make for better love all around.
And our other aspects of love deserve that attention, too.
I'm not sure what I hope you take from this, other than I hope you don't change the TV if The Notebook comes on tonight. I hope you kiss your partner when you see them, I hope you buy yourself a coffee instead of waiting for someone else to do it. I hope you call your mom or your aunt or your best friend. I hope you eat that Chinese food, alone or with 15 people. I hope you go on a date (even if it's not with someone else).
I hope you catch up on all that love that I KNOW you have to give, and I hope you use it on every avenue of life - not just the one we think is most important in the long run.
All the best,
Paige
This is about love. I'm talking, strictly romantic, partner to partner kind of love. Dating and relationships and love is just one of those things that people get really hung up on. I do, at least. At least, everyone HAS. Either past or present tense. I totally see why. Most of our daily media consumption has love woven in the fabric - you'll love this new product, look at this cute couple kissing, fall is such a romantic season so drink a latte to make it even better, blah blah. Or more blatantly, love is the stories we read, the movies we watch, the Buzzfeed articles we skim.
It's there because it can be so beautiful. And rewarding, and cherished, and satisfying. It leads to families sometimes, it makes life more fun all around - it's like having a friend 24/7 and sleepovers every night, it makes Chinese food and movies a sweet idea rather than a lame lonely one that you would rather not admit to you friends you did. We love to love. We dig it, as a society. And we should. A lot of amazing things happen because love exists.
Most importantly, it makes you feel included. When you hear a love song, you think "I know what this person is singing about! I know that feeling too!" and when you see a movie, you don't cry when they fall in love because you see the actors, you cry because you see yourself and the person YOU love, falling in love all over again. You see yourself in it. And when an image of ourselves is reflected in the media, it makes us feel really good inside. Especially when it's love! Love, in some capacity, is what we all seek. So we love when we have it. We love when we can be REMINDED that we have it.
Anyway, this is great if you happen to be with someone you think is totally and completely rad. But if you aren't with someone, we have this horrible nasty habit of being sad all of the sudden. If we don't have a love life, we want one so much that we get really down. The lovey stuff in the world makes us mad. We change the channel if The Notebook is on. We consider not even getting out of bed on Valentine's Day, simply because we "can't" be included in the celebrations. We see examples of love and dislike them just because we don't "have that". We get so bitter.
And I am NOT saying everyone who is single is cranky. That's so not true. I happen to be single and most of the time, I love every freedom that comes with it. And, actually, I can see examples of romantic love in the world without it making me bitter and sad and cranky. 95% of the time, I barely even think about this stuff! Life is so much bigger than a relationship, right? I think we can all agree about that. But the other 5%, for whatever reason, I decide that I'm just not satisfied without that somebody in my life. And I do all of those bitter single girl things I listed before - and, probably, pity eat chips and salsa and get pissed off at the crumbs being in my sheets later when I lay down for 6 hours of sad Netflix.
Where am I going with this. My point here is, we do all of this because we don't have romantic love. But we have so much other love to give and receive in the world.
Like, literally, an infinite amount of love. And for some reason, we only concentrate it in one place mostly. But, like.
We have our familial love - either blood relatives or people who's souls you cherish as if they were blood.
We have friends, people who would drop the world to help you. People who would gladly eat Chinese food and watch movies with you. People who care about your physical, mental, and emotional well being.
We have mentors, who love us so much they are willing to invest their own personal time and effort into making you a better personal or professional being.
We have SELF love. The kind that we always, always, always overlook. We have our own bodies, that keep safe our souls, that contain the things that literally no one else can know - the emotions that are impossible to put into words, but that YOU understand about YOURSELF without even thinking.
Why do we put romantic love on a golden throne and neglect the rest?
And WE DO NEGLECT THE REST. Don't flatter yourself by thinking you haven't. It's not our faults. It's the societal norm that gets ingrained into us every day. But you've done it. Your mom has told you that you look beautiful, but you didn't react like you did when the boy next to you in class or the gorgeous girl in your group told you the exact same thing.
You've thought about skipping a dance or a night out or any event because you don't have a date. You refuse to go alone, and going with a friend isn't right.
You've slaved over an outfit for a random Tinder blind date but you could take or leave getting lunch with your girlfriends on Monday. That's not the same.
WHY?!
It is the same! Your friends want to spend time with you because they love who you are. They want to surround themselves with your positive energy. They talk about you highly to their families. They would stand up for you without a second doubt. They love you.
Your family shaped you into the person you are. They are so proud of the things you do on a daily basis. They were proud of you for learning to walk and they're proud of you when you spend that $20 on groceries instead of beer. They'd be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy. They want to know what you ate for breakfast and they call you too much sometimes because they care that much about the details of your life. They love you.
Your mentors will spend late nights correcting your mistakes so that you don't take the fall for them. They'll tell you not to listen to that guy in HR, he's always like that, because they don't want you to get down on yourself. They're willing to give someone else their word on your behalf because they have so much faith in your ability. They love you.
You let yourself sleep in on Saturdays because you know that you worked hard, and you deserve it. You pick yourself up when you're feeling down because you know whatever it was will soon pass, and life goes on. You smile at yourself in the mirror. You surround yourself with people that make you a better person, and you do everything in your power to be the best you can. Because you love yourself that much.
Relationships are great. Beautiful, even. But no more so than the other kinds of love in the world - the ones that get us through life every single day. And nothing is meant to be bombarded with all of that love all at once. If you don't have a healthy love balance with yourself and the other non-romance bits of your life, you might go a little love crazy when you find someone you do want to date. So spread it out, dude. Balance is key. Balance is what makes schedules run smoothly, it's what aligns Chakras, it's what keeps a building from falling down. It's important. It will make for better love all around.
And our other aspects of love deserve that attention, too.
I'm not sure what I hope you take from this, other than I hope you don't change the TV if The Notebook comes on tonight. I hope you kiss your partner when you see them, I hope you buy yourself a coffee instead of waiting for someone else to do it. I hope you call your mom or your aunt or your best friend. I hope you eat that Chinese food, alone or with 15 people. I hope you go on a date (even if it's not with someone else).
I hope you catch up on all that love that I KNOW you have to give, and I hope you use it on every avenue of life - not just the one we think is most important in the long run.
All the best,
Paige
